Ch-12 reflection

Attachments

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Chapter 12

Socioemotional Development in Early
Adulthood

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Chapter Outline

• Stability and change from childhood to adulthood

• Love and close relationships

• Adult lifestyles

• Challenges in marriage, parenting, and divorce

• Gender communication styles, relationships, and classification

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Stability and Change From Childhood to
Adulthood

Attachment

• Secure attachment style: have positive view of relationships and find it
easy to get close to others

• Avoidant attachment style: hesitant about getting involved in romantic
relationships

• Anxious attachment style: demand closeness, less trusting, more
emotional, jealous, possessive

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Love and Close Relationships 1

The faces of love

• Intimacy

• Self-disclosure and the sharing of private thoughts

• Erikson: intimacy versus isolation

• Intimacy is finding oneself while losing oneself in another person.

• Failure to achieve intimacy results in social isolation.

• Intimacy and independence

• Balance between intimacy and commitment, and independence and freedom

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Love and Close Relationships 2

Friendship

• Friendship plays important lifespan development role

• Romantic love: passionate love, or eros

• Strong components of sexuality and infatuation.

Affectionate love: companionate love

• Desires to have the other person near

• Based on a deep and caring affection

Consummate love: strongest form of love

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Love and Close Relationships 3

Robert J. Sternberg’s Triarchic Theory of Love

• Three dimensions of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment

• Consummate love: strongest, fullest form of love with passion, intimacy,
and commitment

• Infatuation: passion, no intimacy and commitment

• Affectionate love: combination of intimacy and commitment, no passion

• Fatuous love: passion and commitment without intimacy

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Love and Close Relationships 4

Cross-Cultural Variations in Romantic Relationships

• China and Korea: intimacy is more diffused with more emphasis on
connections outside of romantic relationships

• Japan: Dropping marriage rate

• France and Brazil: most passionate, most romantic interest

• France has the most extramarital affairs.

• Qatar: casual dating is forbidden and public displays of affection can
be punished with incarceration

• Young adults using social media/internet to arrange private co-ed get-
togethers at hotels.

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Sternberg’s Triangle of Love

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Adult Lifestyles 1

• Single adults

• Cohabiting adults

• Married adults

• Divorced adults

• Remarried adults

• Gay and lesbian adults

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Adult Lifestyles 2

Single adults

• Stereotypes associated with being single range from

• Swinging single to the desperately lonely, suicidal single

• Millenials

• Tend to find dates online more

• Pattern of “fast sex, slow love”

• Common problems

• Forming intimate relationships with other adults

• Confronting loneliness

• Finding a place in a society that is marriage-oriented

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Adult Lifestyles 3

Advantages

• Having time to make decisions about one’s life course

• Time to develop personal resources to meet goals

• Freedom to make autonomous decisions

• Pursue one’s own schedule and interests

• Opportunities to explore new places and try out new things

• Privacy

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Adult Lifestyles 4

Cohabiting adults

• Living together in a sexual relationship without being married

• Reasons for cohabiting

• Spend time together

• Share expenses

• Evaluate compatibility

• Lower marital satisfaction and increased likelihood of divorce

• Not a unilateral statistic

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Adult Lifestyles 5

Married adults

• Marital trends

• Marriage rates in the United States have declined in recent years.

• In 2014, 20% of U.S. adults never married.

• In 2016, the U.S. average age for a first marriage climbed to 29.5 for men
and 27.4 for women.

• Marriage in adolescence is more likely to end in divorce.

• Average duration of a marriage in the U.S. is currently just over nine years.

• Emerging adults are optimistic about marriage and see it as an impetus to
create a stable life for a successful marriage.

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Adult Lifestyles 6

Cross-cultural comparisons

• Aspects of marriage vary across cultures.

• Domesticity is valued in some cultures but not others.

• Religion plays an important role in many cultures.

Premarital education

• Occurs in a group

• Focuses on relationship advice

• Ranged from several hours to 20 hours

• With a median of 8 hours

• Lower risk of subsequent marital distress and divorce

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Adult Lifestyles 7

Benefits of a good marriage

• Happily married people

• Live longer, healthier lives

• Feel less physical and
emotional stress

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Adult Lifestyles 8

Divorced adults

• Factors

• Adultery

• Growing apart

• Domestic violence

• Youthful marriage

• Low educational level

• Low income level

• Not having a religious affiliation

• Having divorced parents

• Having a baby before marriage

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Adult Lifestyles 9

Remarried adults

• Men are more likely to remarry.

• Remarriage occurs sooner for partners who initiate a divorce.

• More unstable than first marriages

• Higher rates of depression but improved financial status

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Adult Lifestyles 10

Gay and lesbian adults

• Similar to heterosexual relationships in satisfaction and conflict

• Contrary to common misconceptions, research suggests

• Masculine/feminine roles are relatively uncommon.

• Only a small segment of the gay male population has a large number of
sexual partners,

• A smaller segment of the lesbian population has a large number of sexual
partners.

• Generally, gays and lesbians prefer long-term, committed relationships.

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Percentage of Married Persons Age 18 and
Older with “Very Happy” Marriages

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Marriage and the Family 1

• Making marriage work

• Becoming a parent

• Dealing with divorce

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Marriage and the Family 2

Making marriage work

• Gottman’s seven practices of a working marriage

• Establishing love maps

• Nurturing fondness and admiration

• Turning toward each other instead of away

• Letting your partner influence you

• Solving solvable conflicts

• Overcoming gridlock

• Creating shared meaning

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Marriage and the Family 3

Remarried couples

• Have realistic expectations.

• Develop new positive
relationships within the
family

• Counter set relationship
patterns or “ghosts”

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Marriage and the Family 4

Becoming a parent

• Parenting myths and reality

• Myths

• The birth of a child will save a failing marriage.

• The child will think, feel, and behave like the parents did in their childhoods.

• Having a child gives the parents a second chance at achievement.

• Parenting is an instinct and requires no training.

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Marriage and the Family 5

Trends in childbearing

• Average age of first time mother is 27 years old.

• In 2016, for the first time, more U.S. women were giving birth in their 30s
than in their 20s.

• By giving birth to fewer children and reducing the demands of child care,
women free a significant portion of their life spans for other endeavors.

• Men are apt to invest a greater amount of time in fathering.

• Parental care is often supplemented by institutional care.

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Marriage and the Family 6

Dealing with divorce

• Divorced adults

• Difficulty in trusting someone else in a romantic relationship

• Six pathways in exiting divorce

• The enhancers

• The good-enoughs

• The seekers

• The libertines

• The competent loners

• The defeated

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The Divorce Rate in Relation to Number
of Years Married

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Gender Communication, Relationships, and
Classification 1

• Gender Communication

• Gender Relationships

• Gender Classification

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Gender Communication, Relationships, and
Classification 2

Gender and Communication

• Women prefer rapport talk.

• Men prefer report talk.

Gender and Relationships

• Women highly value
relationships and nurturing
connections.

• Men are less relationship-
oriented than women.

©Lane Oatey/Getty Images

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Gender Communication, Relationships, and
Classification 3

Men’s Development

• Health

• Male-female relationships

• Male-male relationships

Reconstructing masculinity

• Becoming more emotionally intelligent

• Reexamine beliefs about manhood

• Valuable aspects of the male role

• Destructive male role aspects

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Gender Communication, Relationships, And
Classification 4

Gender’s Role in Friendships

• Women tend to have closer, more supportive friendships.

• Men tend to have more competitive friendships.

• Female-male friendships

• Learn about common feelings and interests and shared characteristics
about each other and each other’s genders

• Problems may arise in cross-gender friendships if one friend wants
romance and the other does not.

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Gender Communication, Relationships, and
Classification 5

Masculinity and femininity

• Individuals seen on a continuum with masculine and feminine traits

Transgender

• Individuals who adopt a gender identity that differs from the one
assigned to them at birth

• Straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual

• Some prefer gender reassignment

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